Belonging is the most important thing of all | Ha-Shilth-Sa Newspaper

Belonging is the most important thing of all

Port Alberni

USMA Family and Child Services hosted a conference March 7 and 8 that gathered community service providers together at the Hupacasath House of Gathering to identify their willingness and ability to work for children in care and determine how to best support  them to remain connected to their communities and families.

Special guest on Day One of the event was Dr. Martin Brokenleg, a family care expert and co-author of Reclaiming Youth at Risk: Our Hope for the Future.

The day began with a prayer by Linus Lucas and a moment of silence to remember those who had recently passed away. Emcee Stan Matthew then introduced Sandra Karlsen, USMA Team Leader of the Guardianship Resource Team, and Hupacasath Chief Councillor Steve Tatoosh to provide a welcome to the group.

Nuu-chah-nulth Tribal Council Vice-President Ken Watts addressed the gathering before singing a welcome song, saying he was excited to see everyone together in one room. It was a unique opportunity, he explained.  He acknowledged the tough job that each person does, knowing that each of them strives to keep the child at the centre of what they do each day.

Then the room was treated to a magnificent display of culture by the children of Haahuupayak school, who donned traditional regalia and wonderful carved masks to sing and dance their animal kingdom dance.

Trevor Little, who directs the dancers, spoke of how comforting it is for each dancer to know their permanent roles in the dance. He said it creates confidence when the children come to know their spots within the larger group.

Dr. Brokenleg said it was amazing to him to watch the children repeating something of their traditions. He spoke about the world the dancers take us to when they become the creatures that they dance. Participants left this world to go to the place of the spirits, the ancestors, he said.

His workshop with the group was wide-ranging, touching on everything from healthy eating, the importance of rhythm rather than time, and support for kids, “because those are the ones who deserve our support.”

Brokenleg talked about the “abnormal” experience of Aboriginal people going through the residential school system. He surprised by stating that colonization, in his mind, was not a bad thing, necessarily, as an attempt to build a cohesive society that functions smoothly.

“For aboriginal people, something went terribly wrong,” he said.

What was wrong-headed was the underlying attempted genocide of the first peoples, to eradicate indigenous culture and community through the residential school system.

It was so “astonishingly destructive, and it continues to be destructive today,” he said.

Today, by comparison, the residential school experience is dwarfed by the numbers of children in care—three times more than those who attended Indian residential schools—a direct result of the trauma suffered within that school system.

“We live and are saturated with intergenerational trauma,” Brokenleg said. If the healing work isn’t done today, the trauma passes down to the children and the grandchildren. It will affect their perception of how they see the world; society and spirituality.

“It affects us, because it happened to us as a group,” he said.

Brokenleg’s talk was peppered with personal reflection and sharing. He talked about his school pals—12 girls, 10 boys. Only six are left; the rest taken early and violently because of alcohol. This story was clearly told to demonstrate the dangers of allowing trauma to remain unresolved, an emotional shut down and inability to process grief.

Brokenleg talked about poverty and the legacy it brings. Money insolates and protects, he said. First Nations people generally are not protected by money, and the cycle of poverty persists as government laws and policies limit first peoples ability to earn money from their own resources.

Children of poor families will probably not graduate Grade 12, he said. They will suffer from poorer health and will score lower on tests. The proteins necessary for strong minds and bodies are often not available to poor families. Poverty is a cause of trauma.

He talked about oppression, saying most oppression is unintentional. Micro insults occur in the blink of an eye; a frown from a store owner perhaps, or a change in a person’s voice.

But the mind of the oppressed person is the most powerful tool of the oppressor, he said.

Brokenleg talked about the symptoms of trauma in aboriginal life: child neglect and abuse, incarceration, early death, violence, addiction and suicide. These symptoms do not mean that aboriginal people are abnormal. He said aboriginal people are perfectly normal human beings, who have lived through an abnormal history.

“There is nothing wrong with aboriginal people. We are absolutely OK.”

He warned about confusing symptoms with cause. “The real problem is intergenerational trauma…. Your genetic legacy is changed if you have trauma.”

Brokenleg said your upbringing will determine what health issues you’ll suffer from when you are old.

Aboriginal grandmothers, he said, knew how to create resiliency in their young people. His Circle of Courage creation helps to restore those teachings: The four quadrants of the circle are Belonging, Mastery, Independence and Generosity.

“There is nothing more important than belonging,” Brokenleg said. “No matter how bad your life is you want to be where you belong.”

He said adolescence and teenagers have the greatest desire to belong, and when there is a vacuum of belonging in the home or community, that’s what leads to gang activity.

“You had better have something for them to be and go to to belong.” Belonging will influence the character and the qualities of trust, inclusion, worth, friendship, cooperation. When it doesn’t exist you have distrust, exclusion, detachment, rejection and antagonism.

And everyone needs to know that they are capable. He said it’s important to define a person’s qualities as an asset, and turn even the negative into a positive. Find out where people can be successful.

Brokenleg’s talk lasted the full day. The next day’s events included a panel discussion that really hit home the foundation that Brokenleg rolled out the day before, said Karlsen. The panel was comprised of people who had gone through the foster and adoption systems who told of their experiences with belonging, mastery, independence and generosity.

Karlsen said the conference was a big success, refocusing service providers on the child and developing a team approach to raising happy, contented adults with a sense of wellbeing, attachments and the ability to conduct themselves in the world.

“It was so powerful,” she said.

Participants talked about what is working currently and what needs to change, and they re-committed themselves to do their work in the best way possible, together, to help children in care to know who they are and where they belong in the world.

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